Yep, every year at Dessloktoberfest, we have a fun activity at which we reward the winners with prizes. Why do we do this? We like to bribe our guests with cheap plastic toys so they'll come back. In a deeper sense, maybe we didn't go to enough kiddie parties when we were little. :(

Two years ago at Dessloktoberfest '98, we held a contest at the door. The "price of admission" was to write something bad about the Earth and put it on a list. We held a democratic (can you believe it?) vote and the best answers won prizes. The prizes for Dessloktoberfest '98 were little more than skeeball prizes and the grand prize was a plastic model of one of Desslok's ships -- and not even one he rode on in the show, either. Thankfully, I think folks were too drunk to care. Maybe some of them thought roving bands of vandals took their real prizes and replaced them with cheap skeeball toys while they were passed out! I cannot guess. Somewhere we have the saved responses from treasonous Earth folks and when we find them, by gum, I'll make sure they get posted. Don't worry, I won't mention names. After all, you'll carry that guilt with you for the rest of your lives. You gave away your loyalty for a glow-in-the-dark alien figure that looks like Ronald McDonald, or Chairman Mao, or Colonel Sanders. I at least held out for a ham sammich. Geez, you guys...

1999 was the prestigious second year of Dessloktoberfest. Our party room was mighty small and it seems nobody knew where it was being held. The contest that year was to name the first place on Earth to be planet-bombed. The grand prize was a larger-than-life Desslok poster, which was originally going to go into the AWA art show, but we couldn't guarantee His Majesty's safety. The lesser prizes (again, the prizes went to winners who won by popular vote) were shiny beanbag aliens which were ordered from the Oriental Trading Company, where we'd ordered one of our disco lights and also known as the place where skeeball toys go to die. They made real beanie babies look like Hell's Angels in comparison. Still, other than the folks who missed the party, I didn't get a lot of complaints. We learned that Brett Weaver is a force of nature when he's drunk at 2:30 in the morning because he made us all watch Nadesico. Duuuude! We're old and tired and there are wolves after us. Owwwwooooooo!

Ohoho, don't get me started. Dessloktoberfest 2000 was an odd bird. We had some crowd control issues so there was no Haiku Contest. We did have a fine round of Pin the Eyebrows on Sanada for the few folks who played it. General Katei made the laminated sheet of Sanada and a selection of fine character eyebrows from the Uchu Senkan Yamato Series. Zordar, Kodai, Shima and Desslok's eyebrows were among the types to choose from. Oriental trading was also our toy suplier that year. There were larger bean bag aliens, squeezy Earths, Earth Hackey Sacks and little wristbands that read, "Take Me to Your Leader!" Do I hear crickets chirping? Aw, well *we* thought it was funny. . . . .

Dessloktoberfest 2001 didn't really have the physical challenge aspect of it's predecessor. The prizes were better because I'd been hoarding Yamato keychains and plastic models for about a year. I had planned to have folks open fortune cookies, read their fortunes aloud to the party and add Yamato-based tag lines. What am I talking about? Let me explain. When folks read fortune cookies normally, sometimes they add, "--in bed" or "--in hell". At Dessloktoberfest they would have made up their own ("--in the Captain's sock drawer", "--Under Starsha's couch" ) for a snazzy toy prize. That, unfortunately did not work because I could not get a hold of any fortune cookies. This is due to the fact I don't know Atlanta very well and also I was afraid if I brought them from Massachusetts they would be confiscated by Logan Airport Security. What we did instead was this: Since it was the first year of the coveted Dessloktoberfest Invitation Badges ( thanks Neil!) all the badges were stamped on the back from 1 to 100. I picked 100 because that's what I shoot for in making provisions for the party, and that's how many Smurfs there are. Since she was artificially created in a lab, Smurfette doesn't count. If folks wanted prizes they put their badge numbers in for the drawing and we drew numbers and awarded prizes based on pure random chance. However, we didn't get to dispense prizes for long until The Man shut us down. I may recycle the fortune cookie plan next year as I found out Oriental Trading has fortune cookies and I can have them shipped to meet me in Atlanta if I need to.

And the future! Who knows what the future holds!!! Full of promise, and more cheap plastic toys!!!! So far, there have been a few suggestions for next year's Dessloktoberfest contest:

1. Star Blazers haiku contest!(we ended up doing this online, please see the Links/Blatant Plugs section to find out more) Has to be funny in that McHale's Navy/Hogan's Heroes way that we love!
2. Dramatic reading of the Hollywood script for the Diznee Star Blazers movie that never was! I've never read it without barfing, ask Mister Owl...
3. Kinda serious lyrics for the third season that barely aired on TV. Yep, the third season of Star Blazers did air on TV in extremely selective markets, but the company that made it was so strapped for cash they kept the season two opening and ending lyrics. I can't guarantee a serious prize for such an effort,although you'll probably have the respect and admiration of your fellow fans and a good spot in the afterlife waiting for you... but who wants that? Prizes are much better! Just remember the music has to be the same. And remember, kids. Filk is a four-letter word.
4. Pin the arms and legs on Sandor/Sanada. (or the more inoffensive: Pin The Eyebrows On Sanada) That one I'm kind'a in a quandry about. See, in Pin the Tail on the Donkey, you only have to pin on one appendage -- the tail. Should Sandor only be missing an arm? Or should each player get a limb and whoever's closest of all four players wins something? Should I not be making sport of the differently abled? Probably not. Hey, what's that ticking sound? At any rate, I don't know how we'd cover that mass participation/voting angle. Despite our make-believe police state, I'm thinking we should stick with that.