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Rules
for Dessloktoberfest
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- No
backpacks
- No alcoholic drinks for anyone without a hand stamp, or a wristband, or whatever we decide to make it this year.
- Do not bring alcoholic drinks outside the party into the hotel.
- Do not laugh at your own jokes.
- Do not touch the stereo unless deputized by official Gamilas/Garuman Party staff.
- Do not poke fun at our Great and Glorious Leader, Desslok.
- Do not insinuate or boldly declare that our Great and Glorious Leader or any member of the party's staff is evil or malevolent in any way.
- Do not use Dessloktoberfest to make business contacts or to impress prospective clients
- No big shoes.
- No giant pants.
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| I. NO BACKPACKS |
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Any
backpacks caught leaving Dessloktoberfest will be searched for contraband.
There will be no exceptions to this rule. Violators will have their
contraband confiscated for the good of the Party. And we might spit in
your eye. It depends on our mood.
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| II. NO ALCOHOLIC DRINKS FOR ANYONE WITHOUT A HAND STAMP, OR A WRISTBAND, OR WHATEVER WE DECIDE TO MAKE IT THIS YEAR. |
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Hand
stamps (or other media to mark the wearer as a legal drinker) will only be
given out to citizens with a passport, driver's license, state ID, Garuman
Naturalization Papers or any other legal form of identification, which
indicates the bearer is over twenty-one (21) years of age. A note from
your mommy doesn't count.
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| III. DO NOT BRING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES OUTSIDE THE PARTY INTO THE HOTEL. |
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Garuman cannot guarantee your safety outside the limits of the Embassy.
If you are caught with open alcohol outside the Embassy, you will be arrested
for public drinking. These are Earth's rules, not ours, and must be respected
for the time being.
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| IV. DO NOT LAUGH AT YOUR OWN JOKES. |
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Not
only is this the first rule of comedy, it is a crime punishable by death
by decree of our beloved ruler and patriarch, Leader Desslok. Manner of
execution is to be dropped down a bottomless pit.
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| V. DO NOT TOUCH THE STEREO UNLESS DEPUTIZED BY OFFICIAL GARUMAN/GAMILAS STAFF |
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Please do
not change our music for yours without our permission. Dessloktoberfest
has a pre programed party OST, a mix of 80's pop, German folk, and sound
bytes from Star Blazers episodes. If you have a problem with the music
for any reason, please let the GPC staff know. If you made your very own
mix tape/CD to play at our party, please let us now before the party so
we can check it out ahead of time. Even the Desslok space mines needed
to be tested first!
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| VI. DO NOT POKE FUN AT OUR GREAT AND GLORIOUS LEADER, DESSLOK. |
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This should go without saying...
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| VII. DO NOT INSINUATE OR BOLDLY DECLARE THAT OUR GREAT AND GLORIOUS LEADER OR ANY MEMBER OF THE PARTY'S STAFF IS EVIL OR MALEVOLENT IN ANY WAY. |
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It
hurts our feelings, and it's sort of like biting the hand that feeds you.
Star Blazers is a biased work of Pro-Terran propaganda, as it is a program
written, directed, produced and animated by Earthlings for Earthlings. It
promotes Xenophobia towards other sapient members of the Galactic
Community and the events portrayed therein are not accepted or endorsed by
Garuman or its former colony world of Gamilon.
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| VIII. DO NOT USE DESSLOKTOBERFEST TO MAKE BUSINESS CONTACTS OR TO IMPRESS PROSPECTIVE CLIENTS. |
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Yeah,
I know it sounds a little bit crazy, but I've been asked to add this rule
before. When folks come to our party we want everyone to have a good time,
and we want everyone to be of equal status. Some of our guests may be big
in "the biz." Please be friendly to them and respectful of them.
Also if you want to impress people in "the biz"(rather than hang
out with them, make friends and have fun) please take them to a nomiya or
its closest approximation. Or pay us. "No job is too big, no fee
is too big."
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| IX. NO BIG SHOES. |
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We
loved the "Tequila" segment of Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, but if you
want to play Young Frankenstein, please do it outside. If you enter
Dessloktoberfest wearing shoes with heels over 3", you may be asked to go
barefoot, or to perform Pee-Wee Herman's Big Shoe Dance for the enjoyment
of the partygoers. Yes, this may be a wacky rule, and some would call it
unfair, but Dessloktoberfest is a police state and this is the price you
pay for free booze.
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| X. NO GIANT PANTS. |
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They
hide the big shoes. Don't think we don't know. Confiscation rules apply.
Bring an extra pair of non-giant pants, unless you want to show us your
underwear. And it better be clean underwear, too.
Oh, and no messin' with the voodoo if you're silly.
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